Déjà vu’s Birthday

You ever get the feeling that you’re repeating the same events over and over again?

Not just doing the same thing – say, grabbing the same bowl and the same spoon to pour the same cereal and milk into – but having the same experience again in the wild, down to other people asking the same questions and giving the same answers (with no way of having been prompted to do so).

This isn’t that.

Mind you, I’ve been experiencing déjà vu more frequently lately; it happened a bit more as a child, then tapered off, only to pop back up in recent months.

But this isn’t the feeling of seeing what was already seen; instead, it feels more like I’m reliving the same day over and over again. Making a website again, populating it with a first post again, thinking about what I’ll do with it moving forward again. Not to mention experiencing my second third fourth? recession, and another run at this presidency.

We’ve given this sort of thing a name, based on the most well-know movie to used the trope: Groundhog Day. We live the same day again and again, until we get it right. But this feels less like that, and more like Edge of Tomorrow wearing Majora’s Mask‘s tunic. This is a loop that tightens every time you pass through it, like running a Hot Wheels track through a finger trap. And it feels supremely unfair, because it also feels like I’m stuck in someone else’s loop… and I know it, every time we do it again.

The thing about all of those, though – Groundhog Day, Edge of Tomorrow, Majora’s Mask – is that there’s an end. And a good one, so long as you learn your lessons well.

I hope we learned the lessons. I don’t want to start this day over again.